maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
