reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The uberlube is also flammable
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
