I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
How's work?
Spinning.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Randomize
