There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
