I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
