we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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