This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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