i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
