you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
