I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
