So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
