I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
