He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
