i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
