I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
