headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Shame is for Republicans.
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