So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
