porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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