I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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