Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
