I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
