I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
