Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize