toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
There are leaves in my underwear?
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