and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
