You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
