I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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