I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
