I bet he comes in French.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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