i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
