Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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