i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
