Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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