Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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