Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
