I'm gonna have a badass scar
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
