As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
