I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
