I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
