i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
