maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
