It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
