her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
