I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
