taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
