if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
