Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
