u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
