So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
