One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
