I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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