There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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