are you still at the devil's house?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
